It's the Anatomy, Stupid.

Okay.  So I realize that yesterday I might have been just a touch hysterical about what I am going to forever refer to as The 156.2 Half-Hanukkah (where the weight that was supposed to last for just 1 night lasted for four whole nights!). 

A Festival of Weights.  (And, yes, I am positively basking in my own cleverness right now).

Anyway, after I stepped away from the keyboard, I calmed down and realized that if I ever wanted to get out of The 156.2 Half-Hanukkah, I was going to need to get clever.   And in honor of Election Season, I decided to approach my weight loss scheme like the candidates would.

I began to think about what I've done so far: to wit, picking a reasonable number of calories to eat per day, keeping track of everything I ate, and commiting to never deviate from the plan.  I promised change!  I was playing by the rules. But it wasn't working.  Otherwise how the hell do you explain the Miracle of The 156.2 Half-Hanukkah? 

I was literally doing everything that I could to deliver the change that I had promised.  But it appeared that the Republicans in Congress my scale was stonewalling my every effort.

Steadfastness, rigor, and will-power had failed me.  Sure, those things are all well and good, and they might even be effective.  But I was courting the wrong voting bloc.

It was time to change plans.  It was time to try a new strategy.  It was time to go after a new demographic. 

It was time.....to cheat.



Scale: You have been bested by the Miracle of Dehydration

And it worked!

What could possibly cause such a fantastic end to the 156.2 Half-Hanukkah? Should I share the secret to this completely fabricated success?

Wine. 

Lots. And. Lots. Of wine.

Now before you go off thinking that I've used tax shelters and overseas bank accounts to avoid paying a huge portion of my tax burden I have some sort of drinking problem, yesterday was my birthday.  So in honor of the anniversary of my entrance into this world,  I decided to let myself indulge in as much wine as I wanted--calories bedamned.

I am sure I'll be paying for it tomorrow.  

I am sure that my Foot-In-Mouth-Weight-Tracker is going to look like the heart monitor of someone who just Coded. 

But I don't care.

For today anyway, I bested the scale and ended The 156.2 Half-Hanukkah.

Change is good.  Now, moving Forward.