So, for starters, an update: Weight 154.2. The Desalinization Process from sodium-bomb Monday is well underway. I'm just hoping the process is complete by tomorrow's progress report.
But that's not what this post is about.
This post is about the new clique that I am eagerly trying to join. You all know them. Heck, some (many) of you might already be part of this in-crowd, so please don't blackball me after reading my impressions of your little group. A lot of this is just the sour grapes of an outsider looking in.
They're....the Workout People. WOPs.
WOPs are the grown up equivalent of the popular kids from high school. And breaking into their little club is tantamount to getting a coveted seat at the "cool" table in the cafeteria.
Look at 'em! They're just like the rich/cool kids from high school except they've traded the perfectly-paid-for-teeth and the "brand new Jetta on their 16th birthday" for Nike Fuel Bands, and iPod arm bands, and sweat proof earbuds, and an entire wardrobe of clothes just dedicated to getting sweaty and disgusting.
They brag on social media about how far they run. They check-in at gyms. They jog to raise money for puppies and Tibetan peace and shit.
They get doused in colorful powder in cities though out the country. While running.
I WANT IN.
It's not easy to break into the WOP's group. For starters, it takes a lot of time. They have meetings, like, every day including weekends and before and after work. If you miss a day...it seems like you may as well be from Mars.
But I have decided to give it a try.....even if I fail miserably.
I figured that for starters I ought to try to look the part. The first step to fitting in is to make them think that you might be one of them. That's not gonna happen if I keep walking/running in jean shorts.
Where better to begin than by stocking up on "the uniform" at good 'ole Academy. I went there and stocked up on everything. Socks. Shirts. Shorts. Something called a "sports bra" that makes it look like I only have one boob. EVERYTHING.
I stuck with name brands....Under Armour, Adidas, Nike, etc. in an effort to a) fit in with the WOPs and b) be comfortable (my experience with shoes has taught me that quality matters).
( Side bar: I was also unpleasantly surprised to learn that WOP fashion does not believe in vanity sizing.....the sizes that I would normally wear in street clothes are gigantic compared to the clothes in WOP world).
So anyway, after stocking up on gear, I made a truly huge rookie mistake. I overstepped my bounds.
Just as you wouldn't invite yourself to the first big sleepover with the popular girls in school if you're not on a first name basis, you
probably shouldn't plunge straight into WOP territory without at least making a friend or two.....
But that's exactly what I did. I was at work and in a moment of total insanity I decided to sign up for a 5k taking place next weekend.
ME!
A 5k! I am literally out of my mind. I don't know what came over me.
 |
| I'm gonna look like an idiot. |
It's gonna be like the episode of Friends where Phoebe runs...
And to make matters worse, it's a
work-sponsored 5k which means a ton of people (actual WOPs, not wannabes like me) from work are gonna be there to witness this disaster.
So I have 9 days to train for this 5k.
Wish me luck. I am gonna need it.
