It's me.
Again.
Well, last time I checked in I had finally reached the 140's for the first time in a long time. And I was stoked. I was well on the way to "130 pounds as long as it takes." I thought I was ready to fly solo: be healthy and skinny without need of the blog.
That was a cute thought.
We'll skip the greasy details, but long story short my weight has slowly been creeping up since the last blog post. And while I haven't completely rebounded to the heaviest I've ever been (163.8), this morning was the first time back in the 160s (at 160.6 specifically) since beginning the blog last time. Needless to say, that was a milestone I was hoping to never have reached again, and it was enough of a reality check that I was inspired to introspectively get to the root of my problem.
So after some self-reflection, I've confirmed what I have long suspected....
I am an attention whore.
There, I said it.
It's the ONLY thing that explains why the blog works so well. This is embarrassing. Shameful. Pathetic, even. (It really is).
But yet, here I am. Airing out my plus-sized dirty laundry once again.
The only force in my life more powerful than the desire to eat whatever-the-hell-I-want is the desire to win approval from others. Hence the magic of the blog. The thought that somebody--anybody--might be reading this and rooting for me gives me the willpower to resist temptation (at least most of the time).
Heck, I am such a profoundly big attention whore that I even enjoy the idea that 90% of the (12) people who read this are probably doing it out of a Schadenfreude-motived desire to take pleasure in my pitfalls. And that's okay. We all do it. Nothing is better than quietly watching your skinny friend get fatter.
And nothing is better than harnessing man's tendency to enjoy the suffering of our fellow men and transforming it into the power to do good. And that's what this blog is for.
The bitch is back. Again.
