Monday, September 9, 2013

Blogiversary

It has been 1 year since I began this blog. It's a pretty bittersweet milestone.

I'll begin with the good things:

1) I'm 13.8 pounds lighter than I was on this date last year.


2) I'm six weeks into the blog this time around and still going strong.  It was about this point last time that I ended up sliding back into my old ways.  Fortunately, the Big Carrot--a Broadway-filled weekend in NYC--is making this a lot easier to stick to long-term.

3) WOP culture is really, really growing on me. I actually love my long, weekend workouts. I'm not as big a fan of working out in the evenings after work.....I tend to do it more begrudgingly than anything else...but I do it because it is clearly working and it allows me to eat more. Win-win.

So those are the good things. But as happy as I am to report the good, I'm equally upset with myself over the bad.

For starters, there's the obvious fact that I never reached my goal to get to 130 before giving up and quickly gaining almost every pound back.  This is dually upsetting because it not only means that I failed in the past, but also, to quote a friend, "it scares the crap out of me" because it makes me so afraid of making the same mistakes in the future. 

I do not want to write shame-post number three. I don't want a two-year blogiversary where I celebrate losing the same 13 pounds again and again. I don't want to be the girl who yo-yo diets. I don't want that for myself. 

What happens after I reach my goal--IF I reach it--and the blog is over? 

What? 

I honestly don't know. 

I have been very self-aware of my past mistakes this time around and I am hoping to learn from them. I hope that my new focus on exercise and being less strict with myself about each and every little calorie will make the difference, but I would be a huge liar if I didn't say that I worry about the future of my waistline every single day. 

For now, I will try not to borrow trouble and just focus on the task at hand: get through the day without getting fatter. Then I'll do the same tomorrow. And the day after that. And, hopefully, I'll have the will to do it long enough that it just becomes second nature. 

That's what I want for myself. 

Happy Blogiversary.