The Rocky Horror Chunky Show

Alright. So the theme for this blog is going to be The Time Warp.   Because I am going to just pretend that the last week didn't happen.  (Notice the absence of weekly weigh-in on Tuesday).

First the good news:  today is a new low point in the diet journey!  Yes, at 150.4  I have now lost a total of 11.4 pounds.  Not too shabby!

But now the bad news: I should have reached this point a week ago if I am going to stick to the plan to get to 130 by Christmas.

I blame the lack of progress slowness of this progress (and hence, the need to pretend that last week did not happen) on a shocking display of Diet Abandonment when I went on vacation last weekend.   The Husbands and I spent the weekend in St. Louis and indulged in a lot of the local cuisine (read: fried ravioli, Imo's Pizza, and, of course, Bud Light).   I did stick to my goal to workout (or get some sort of physical activity for at least 30 minutes a day), but I was decidedly off the diet wagon.*  

I reached a high point of 153.2 by the end of the weekend.   I guess that's another slight bit of good news: my "highs" have consistently been getting lower even after a day or two of Diet Abandonment.

Maybe this is what a lifestyle change is all about after all.   Maybe it's not a matter of "cheating" or "being bad" or "falling off the wagon," but rather, learning to indulge sometimes and then reign it back in afterwards.   I think I've been successful at that so far.

I am tempted to even lift the arbitrary goal of "130 pounds by Christmas" and just make the goal "120....as long as it takes to get there."    That seems more sustainable over time, AmIright?    It certainly seems like it would be a more enjoyable journey getting there.

This weekend I am committed to getting plenty of exercise, staying on the wagon (sorry, I can't shake the phrase!) and hopefully reaching the 140s for the first time since 2011 for next Tuesday's weigh-in.

Fair warning in advance:  things at work are absolutely nuts right now so I might be blogging less in the coming weeks, but I am not giving up!  I am still diligently adding crap to the Fitness Pal every day and weighing in.   I just don't really have as much time to write....particularly while also trying to find time to exercise.

And you know what the most fun exercise of all is???

You know it's true.


*I have decided that to be more realistic, I want to do an average of 30 minutes a day because the reality is, some days I have plenty of time to get a good 2-3 hours of physical activity and other days I simply do not have the time.    Plus, I make the rules on this blog, so I can change them whenever I want.

BOOM!

I don't even really have time to blog today, so I'll just keep it brief:

10.8 Pounds lost!

Why, oh why couldn't this have been yesterday??    Then I wouldn't have had to do the Shred and I wouldn't have completely injured my elbow (more on that later).

I guess this is the universe's way of saying "Keep exercising. See what it does for you?!"

Week 4 Weigh In: Hate. Temptation. Lent.

Well, today is the Week 4 Weigh In.  Today is also a moment of truth: Will I reach the 10 pound benchmark and thereby avoid Jillian Michaels indefinitely?  Or will the 10 pound mark evade me once again--thereby beginning a new era: The Era of The Shred?

Today.....is Judgment Day.

And Lo! On the 28th day, I stepped uponeth the Sorting Scale whereupon I was judged.....

The Glare is God's Wrath

.....and quickly cast into Shredfire and Brimstone.

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, first the bad/obvious news:  I didn't reach 151.8.   Which, true to my word, means that I will start doing the 30 Day Shred with Ms. Jillian Michaels in an effort to speed things along.  (This is the part where the people who have been saying all along that any sensible weight loss plan should include exercise get to gloat at me).

Next the good news: At least this is a 0.8 pound loss from last week's weigh-in, and is also a decidedly more hydrated weigh-in that last week's hangover-induced 152.0....which means this is basically a new "low."  So yay!

Next the even better news: I have no one to blame for this week's failure but myself (ya know, as opposed to the incredibly frustrating Half-Hanukkah and the even more frustrating Shark Week where I was doing everything right and still getting nowhere).  In a weird way, a lack of progress due to just good, old-fashioned failure is easier to swallow than unexplained lack of progress.  And this weekend, I was decidedly wanton in my refusal to stick with my diet.

I was completely overcome by temptation.  I had pizza. I had margaritas.  I had McDonalds in larger-than-Ode-to-Fast-Food-quantities.  It was like opening Pandora's Box....once I realized I had screwed up, it just got worse and worse.  "Well, I already blew it today, may as well go big or go home."

I got back on track right afterwards, but the damage was basically done.   After my Food-Bender, there was a scary high-point at 154.4....and then gradually I came back down to 152 by reverting back to my calorie-conscious ways.  Thank goodness.

But I can't keep having set backs like these if I want to make good progress and actually have a hope of reaching 130 by Christmas.

As I pondered the events of this weekend and began wondering where I had gone wrong, I realized that I quite simply had fallen prey to temptation. My willpower simply wasn't strong enough to overcome the temptation this weekend.  

And I hated myself for it. 

And as I sat there, stewing in my self-loathing, I realized that there is only one thing truly, truly stronger than temptation.  I used to think it was the fear of public humiliation.  But clearly that's not the case because I wasn't even afraid of looking like a fool on this blog when I decided to go all "Honey Boo Boo" with the cheese fries.

The answer is so simple.

Hate. 

Hate is stronger than temptation.  And I realized at that moment, that instead of hating myself for failing, I should put my hate energies into trying to succeed.  And how better to do that, than by adoping the method first popularized by my Work Bestie, Lil' Libby?!

On that note, I would like to issue Blog Decree No. 2:

I hereby decree that I will exercise for at least 30 minutes a day during at least 30 of the next 40 days of the year of our Lord 2012.  This period of time will henceforth be known as The Hatred Extolling Legitimate Lent (henceforth simply "HELL" or "The Lent").  If I fail to comply with this decree I will donate $300.00 to the Westboro Baptist Church.



Said God regarding Fat, "I was for it before I was against it."



 

And I would HATE to have to do that.

 



Need. Water. Need. Dignity. Back.

152.0.  A mere 0.2 pounds away from the 10 pound benchmark!

Full disclosure: pretty hungover and dehydrated.

Yesterday marks the second day that I have gone over my calorie limit on this journey towards Christmas Skinniness.

Indeed, I indulged in more wine than I typically allow myself at a going-away party for one of my good friends.  It was an incredibly fun night and, given the happy weigh-in this morning, it appears to be worth it, but I have a feeling I will be singing a different tune when tomorrow's weigh-in rebounds back up. Boo.

The good news is that even if "every day were like yesterday" I would still be 2.7 pounds lighter 5 weeks from now.   I am encouraged by this because that seems to suggest that nights of glorious wine-induced debauchery will be allowed when I do finally reach my goal and shift into "maintenance mode."  

The Boringville Gazzette

 

 

This has literally been the most anticlimactic 10 days in the history of dieting.   I almost feel bad blogging about it.  I swear, this blog is starting to read like a daily newspaper in a town where nothing happens.  Front page:  "Gladys Weinstein Waters Her Lawn; Wonders Why Neighbors Haven't Brought In Trashcans"  "Wal-Mart Remains Popular Place to Purchase Household Goods"  "Chunky Bride: Weighs 152.4"



 

Seriously. You can even see in my Progress Tracker that I appear to have landed at "152-point-whatever" with a resounding thud.   It is not for lack of trying!  I haven't cheated at all.   But something is still not working.  That's why I've made a few tweaks to my routine in an effort to move things along.  I've begun eating a small breakfast every morning.  (That's the "preeeettty" at the top of the page).  All of the healthy people I know tend to swear by eating breakfast and jump starting the 'ole metabolism.   I hope they're on to something.   At this point, I'll try anything to break free from this because there's no way I'll make it to 130 by Christmas if nothing changes.

 

I've also increased my daily calories to 1350.  I know that it seems counterintuitive, but I just think that at this point the lack of progress is certainly not a result of overeating....my body might have just gotten used to getting by with fewer calories and my metabolism is slowing down accordingly.  I think eating more might actually help.   It's only been three days since I've made these changes so the jury is still out on whether they'll work.

 

The good news is I haven't bounced back up to 153.8 since the last blog post!  And 152.4 is a decrease from yesterday's 152.8.   So maybe things are beginning to look up!  Err.....down.  

 

 

However, in an effort to keep up the 1.9 pound-per-week pace needed to get to my goal by Christmas, I hereby make the following decree:

 

If I have not reached the 10 pound weight loss mark by next Tuesday's Weekly Weigh In, I hereby swear to the sweet baby Jesus that I will start doing the 30 Day Shred again.  

 

I have really, really tried to avoid it coming to this.  But at this point, I'll do anything to break the plateau.   Wish me luck. 



Preeeeetttttyyyyy Frustrated, My Precious.

Alright here's a fun game for the film buffs out there.  Who knows the significance of the above picture?

Bueller? 

Bueller?

It's Natalie Portman's breakfast in Black Swan.  In the film, Natalie Portman's character sits down to eat the above-photographed breakfast (which appears to be a crappy poached egg and half of a grapefruit) and channels her inner-Gollum saying "It's so piiiiinnnk. And preeeeeeeettty."   Like, she's actively trying to convince herself that this crap-on-a-plate is good and/or satisfying.   Like, the grapefruit/egg is her Precious.  And she can't share the Precious.

No one can share the precious.

What does any of this have to do with anything?

Well, basically, I am having a really hard time with this diet right now.  I have literally gone back and forth and back and forth and back and fucking forth again between 153.8 and 152.8 this entire week.  Well, actually 8 days. A Whole Hanukkah.   I have photographic proof.

This week has seen more "fins" than a Jimmy Buffet concert.

But the part that kills me, is that I am not cheating!! With the exception of Friday which I admit was a day of Diet Abandonment, I have been completely steadfast in my journey.  Even on Friday's Diet Abandoment Day, I would venture to guess that I only had about 1000 more calories than the 1200 limit...and 1000 calories does not equate to zero-pounds-lost for an entire week. This plateau is The Suck.

I was so convinced that I just had to shake this diabolical back-and-forth by today that I even skipped posting for the Three Week Weigh-In because I thought that by today I'd be in the clear.

I don't know what I am doing wrong!  I don't really think I am doing anything wrong which is what is so frustrating.  I mean, I could try eating smaller portions throughout the day to see if that keeps the metabolism up and running--this morning I had breakfast in an attempt to get into the habit and see if that helps.  I have been watching sodium like crazy so I don't think that's a problem either.  I just want to know that all the sacrificing, and counting, and abstaining, and everything is worth it.  It's easy to get excited about a salad while everyone else is having pizza when you can see it paying off.  It's a much harder sell when you can't.

Which brings me to Natalie Portman in Black Swan.  For the next few days I am really going to try to hang in there and hopefully push past this 152.8 pound barrier.  Even if it's hard, I will suck it up and call my food "prreeeeetttty" in the hopes of getting past this.  I will look at Natalie Portman (and, for that matter, Gollum) in their emaciated glory and I will troll Pinterest for bordering-on-dangerous "Thinspo" pictures and I WILL OVERCOME!!!!!

Thinpso = "Thin-spiration Photo" = Shame Inducer

I am also going to begin doing the weekly weigh ins on Tuesdays now that we're exactly 12 weeks from Christmas.

Week 3 Weigh In:


Weeks Until Christmas: 12
Goal Weight By Christmas: 130
Today's Weight:  152.8
Starting Weight: 161.8
Total Weight Loss: 9 lbs.
Current Trajectory: 1.9 pounds per week to reach goal

If Every Day Were Like Today.....

When I was writing the Gown Blog, I did a post about tools that I recommend for anyone trying to lose weight.  Some were so indispensable to me, that I continue to use them this time around.  My Fitness Pal is one of them. 

It has a plethora of great features: a huge database of foods and their nutritional information, a progress tracker, options to add foods that are missing from the database, a diary to keep track of calories burned through exercise and calories consumed, and a fun feature that tells you what you'd weigh in 5 weeks if "every day were like today" based on the exercise and foods entered into the diary.

But that's not to say the product isn't without its flaws.  For instance, underneath the place where it says what you'd weigh in 5 weeks, it gives a little spiel about whether or not you're eating enough or too few calories (and by "too few" if the goal is 1200 and you eat 1199, it says you're eating "too few").   The problem is, the tool spits out the same, clinical, boring message no matter how much sodium or alcohol, or fat you consume.   

If I were the folks at My Fitness Pal Headquarters, I would add a couple additional messages. 

For instance, this morning I weighed in at 152.6 again (yay!), but that was with a pretty spectacular hangover from going out to celebrate Double Agent's birthday last night. We also celebrated with pasta. =/

It should have said, "If every day were like today, you'd be dead in 5 weeks because you'd be severely dehydrated and probably go into liver failure. Oh, and by the way, you had way too many calories yesterday so don't make a habit of this or else your whole 'lifestyle change' is completely blown."

If I ate a crapload of Ramen or something, it should say "If every day were like today, you should look forward to the end stage renal failure that inevitably awaits you!  Bonus: You'd qualify for Medicare early!" 

If I ate nothing but water and rice cakes it could say, "If every day were like today, it's likely that you are anorexic and ought to get thyself into some sort of counseling. For realsies."

You get the idea. 

Anyway, today's weigh in was good, but I am living on borrowed time because if every day were like yesterday, this would cease to be a blog about a lifestyle change.  It would be a blog about an endearing chubby girl who enjoys herself some vino and pasta.  

So.   We pick up and move forward.   Tomorrow is the week 3 weigh-in.  Wish me luck!