The Honeymoon's Over: Relapse Into Chunky Town: Urban Hiking

One thing that I think I will always struggle with is exercise. It's just not something that I enjoy. Most exercises tend to make me look and feel ridiculous, and I just can't get down with the whole "being sore the day(s) afterwards" thing. Yeah, all told, you're more likely to see a dog walk on its hind legs than catch me at a traditional gym.

The only physical activity that I've ever come close to actually enjoying is walking around outside exploring the city. Apparently, in the yuppie corners of the world, this is called "urban hiking." Everyone else who lives in the city just calls it, I dunno, getting around.

Somehow I think suggesting that any of these people try taking up "urban hiking" would end with someone getting their ass kicked.

So anyway, even though it's been hotter than hell lately, I decided to brave the heat index and go "urban hiking." Luckily for me, Madame was either crazy enough, bored enough, or just plain enjoys exercise enough that he was willing to join me.

We started out in his house which is decidedly smack dab in the center of New Orleans, and decided to walk to the suburbs where we would reward our efforts with a plunge in my parent's pool (that was the carrot). Total duration: just a little under 5 miles.

Now, walking is not the hardest thing to do if you've got good shoes. And I've definitely walked longer distances than that before, but this was the first time doing it in 94 degree heat paired with the kind of choking humidity that you can only understand if you've been to New Orleans in August.

But off we went!

We started strong....enjoying the sights and smells of New Orleans (I never really noticed just how far the intoxicating smell of Popeye's Fried Chicken travels until yesterday--the answer: a good 6 blocks). We also enjoyed the vast patches of shade that the live oak trees provide...

....Until the wasteland. You see, around mile 3 there is a barren tract of wasteland that stretches about 1 mile during which Madame and I essentially were shuffling along the side of a highway like vagrants. To give you some idea of what we were dealing with I've snapped a picture from Google maps:

Yup. Imagine us. Walking single file along the side of this highway.

So during this stretch, things got real. Thank God Madame was there to keep me going. I was so unbelievably hot, sweaty, hungry, needing to pee, etc. that I was ready to take advantage of this being an urban hike and call a cab to pick me up.

But on we pressed. Mainly because Madame forced me.

And finally, at the end of the tract of scary highway, we finally arrived! The Suburbs!

Now another thing about urban hiking: Madame and I quickly learned that when you're sweaty, disgusting, and carrying a backpack, it's best to stick to truly urban areas and avoid the suburbs. I am pretty sure the good people of Jefferson Parish assumed that we were transient ne'er-do-wells just looking for someone to pickpocket.

But on we pressed despite the stares and occasional honking cars.

And we finally arrived at our oasis! 5 miles, 1.5 hours, and buckets of sweat and Perrier later.....we made it. And it was actually fun! Well, maybe not the parts where I thought I'd pass out from a heat stroke on the side of the highway....but otherwise it was fun!

And I gotta hand it to Madame.....he put up with his share of whining, but he kept me going. A more affable and worthy urban hiking coach has never lived.

And today.......