A Dieter's Week As Told By Pop Divas

I just would like to take a moment to mention that this has been an incredible couple months for female pop soloists.   It seems like everyone from the relatively new-on-the-scene Miley Cyrus to the long reigning Queen of Pop herself Ms. Britney Spears has put out a new single lately.

I relate to each and every one of them.

So I present to you: a week in the life of this blogger as told by pop divas:

First, comes Lady Gaga's Applause.

The H was actually the person who pointed out why this song was positively written for me. You see, one of my all-time favorite foods in the whole wide world is a disgustingly stinky, but oh-so-delicious French cheese called epoisses.  Of course, epoisses completely rhymes with "applause" so it sounds like Gaga is saying "I live for the epoisses, epoisses, epoisses." 

And before my lifestyle change, I, too, lived for the epoisses (and the alfredo.....and truffle mac n' cheese......and pizza.........well, you get the idea).    And that's what got me here in the first place.

Every single time her song comes on I think about living for the epoisses.  Similarly, every single day is a struggle to avoid just stuffing my face with the danger foods I love.  There are times that I almost succumb to the temptation.

But then, thankfully, Britney Spears shows up to save the day.

Ah, yes.  Work Bitch!  Kind of a weird song.  On the one hand it's annoyingly repetitive.  On the other hand, it's so catchy!

"You wanna hot body?" she asks.  
"Well, yeah."   I think to myself.
"You better work, bitch" she replies. 

True point, Ms. Spears.  So instead of stuffing my face with the epoisses, off I go to the gym.

 Monday through Friday, that's the story: the battle of the epoisses v. gym.   The gym wins, hands down.   On Friday, I get up and do my weekly weigh-in and it's usually a nice, low weight.

But then the weekend comes.....and Katy Perry and the LSU Tigers crash the diet-party.

"I got the eye of the tiger" says Katy Perry.
"Yeah, well, I got the appetite of a beluga whale and there's a fucking pile of chicken wings in front of me right now"  I think to myself.
"And you're gonna hear me roar" says Katy.
"My stomach's growling, bitch."

But the Tigers are Baton Rouge's team and I'm decidedly a NOLA girl.  So I am usually able to lock it up on Saturday and I get through Tiger games without doing too much diet-damage.

But then comes Sunday......

Saints Sunday.

My Saints. 

The 5-0 Saints......

And the Saints tailgating and game-watching parties......

 

It comes in like a fucking Wrecking Ball. And I am usually really bad. Beers and buffalo chicken are had.  Regret happens.  And I wake up Monday and I weigh myself and I am all like, "I really do just live for the epoisses....."

And it starts all over again.