Jiggle All The Way

It's here. 

The week I have been dreading since the beginning of this blog.

The most decadent and tempting week of the fiscal year. 

It's "Christmas week" at the office.

The office....

I've only been an office worker for 2 years now, but that is long enough to know that Christmas at an office is the most disgusting, secular, commercialized and gluttonous version of the celebration of Jesus's birth in the entire world (and that's coming from someone who would probably be struck by lightning the next time I step foot in a Church).

When I was in school, I never understood the people who got all bent out of shape about remembering the "Reason for the Season."  I'd leave my show choir rehearsal (which was always chockfull of Away in a Manger's and O Holy Night's) and think, "Uh, duh. Of course Jesus's birth is the reason for the season. Who said it wasn't? Could everyone just relax please?"

But then I graduated, got an office job, and quickly learned that the office world treats Christmas much differently than the rest of the world.

The rest of the world donates money and toys to charities to bring a little holiday cheer to those in need.  The office world wants to make sure your end-of-year reports have been submitted.  The rest of the world gathers with family and friends to sing carols in hopeful anticipation of the coming holiday. The office world reminds you that there's only two more weeks to make your end-of-year-quota. 

The rest of the world buys heartfelt gifts for the people they love to symbolize the greatest gift of all.   So what does the office world do to try to have a sense of occasion during this festive time of year? 

It eats.

Well, eats and foists a stupid Kris Kringle gift-exchange upon the entire staff during which everyone trades assorted $20.00 gift cards that no one actually wants (seriously....why can't we just all agree to keep the 20 bucks and skip the damn Kris Kringle?!)   But I digress.

You can't blame the office workers for the problem.  Everyone wants to do something special to mark the occasion, but there's no room for any of the beautiful things that truly make the holiday season great in an office. There's no room for joy, love, magic, and hope. 

But, I'll be dammed, there's room for multi-course lunches.

There's room for plates of snicker-doodles.

There's room for cakes and cookies.

There's room for candies.

There's room for cheese and deli meat platters.

There's room for those giant tins of popcorn never-quite-perfectly-separated into three different flavors.

And then, finally, the Pièce de résistance: there's room for the company Christmas party.



(I am convinced that no one in the world actually likes the company Christmas party.  Even if it's a lovely party, it's just awkward. Like.....on the one hand, there's a bar and a band and all the trappings of a really sweet time.  But on the other hand.....your boss is there. And your weird co-workers. And creepy Joe from the HR department. And the forced conversations......*shudders*).

But here we are. Smack dab in the middle of Christmas week 2013.  I've already had two very decadent lunches. I am starting to freak out. I don't want Christmas Week to take too great a toll on progress thus far, but I also don't want to be the office Grinch.

I will just have to work extra, extra hard on the treadmill this week. It's my only chance. Otherwise, I'll just be jiggling all the way to adult onset diabetes.