Week 22 Progress Report and Is This the End?

WEIGHT: 131.0

WEEKLY NET CHANGE: -2.2 lbs

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: 30.8 lbs

Only 1 pound away from my original goal to "get to 130 in as long as it takes."   Only 5 pounds away from The Big Carrot (a fabulous trip to NYC with my mom if I reach her street address: 126 Chunkyway Drive).

BMI: 24.0 
WTF that means: Solidly in the "normal" range, but at the high end. 

Not to get too far ahead of myself (I do still have two goals to reach), but with the end so very much in sight, my thoughts have now started to turn towards what happens after reaching The Big Carrot (which I expect to happen in about 3 weeks).

The H recently asked me the very question that's been nagging me for a while now: "How much weight are you planning to lose?"

Good question.

So for starters, I looked at what the government defines as a healthy weight for someone my height.   It wasn't helpful.

Anything from 102-136 pounds is considered the normal range for someone my size.   I happen to have been almost every weight in that range, and based on that I know straight away that 102 isn't gonna happen.   The closest I was to 102 in my adult life was sophomore year of college when I tipped the scales at a very, very svelte 105 on a hungover day and 108 on a truly bloated day.

Looking at the photos from that time, I looked great, but it would be almost impossible to maintain.

I am very, very focused on trying to make whatever results I achieve this time around permanent.  I think it would be psychologically dangerous to get super tiny "just 'cuz" only to gain some back to get to a realistic "forever weight".....because once the gaining starts it is oh-so-easy to let it continue.

So I don't think anything under 110 will be the ultimate goal.  Too low. Too difficult to maintain permanently.

Then I considered splitting the normal range in half and aiming for that: 119.

But that just seems cruel.  The thought of some days waking up in the 110's and other days waking up in the 120's...well it's enough to make you crazy.   If I've learned one thing from this journey it's that these little mental tricks can make or break you.  For an able-bodied person, losing weight is definitely 90% mental and only 10% physical....and I don't have the mental strength to straddle two different "decades" of weight. On purpose. Forever.

So how do I choose that "perfect number" for my forever weight?

After a lot of reflecting, I finally came up with a cop-out solution: don't choose a number.  Don't pick a goal weight.   Just don't have one.

I want to be whatever I might weigh when I can work out for an hour most days of the week and enjoy what I eat.  It's what I've been doing for a while now.

I don't think I've really blogged much about it, but at some point I just stopped worrying about having decadent foods from time to time.   I have been enjoying pizza, cheese, chinese food, multi-course steak dinners, buffalo chicken, and--yes--even fettucini alfredo (granted, all in moderation).

And I am still losing.

I suppose that at some point I'll reach a plateau.  And I guess that'll be the "goal weight."  Maybe it'll be 126 after I reach the Big Carrot. Maybe it'll be 119. Maybe it'll be something else entirely.

It just seems stupid to fixate on a number. There will be days when my weight fluctuates and that's not something I can control. The only thing I can control is whether I am good about going to the gym and reasonable  in the times that I choose to splurge.

And that's what I am going to try to do.

Who knows.  Maybe after reaching 126 I will feel lost and listless without having another number in mind and I'll find it much harder to commit to working out and eating right.  And if that's the case, I'll come up with another goal to keep me in the game.  But, for now, I think the goal should simply be to keep doing what I am doing for a lifetime...whatever my weight may be.