Lifestyle Changed

So I have a HUGE milestone that I'd like to discuss today.

I am no longer on a diet. 
 

 

 

Now don't get me wrong....this doesn't mean the weight loss journey is over.  I've just decided that from now on, I am no longer dieting.  At least not in the strictest sense of the word.

 

In the past, I would adhere so stringently to "the diet" that I would just feel awful if I ate even one "bad" thing that wasn't on "the diet"...and then that failure would feed into a downward spiral of "well, if I am going to have a slice of pizza I may as well have the whole thing" and "well, if I was bad at lunch, I may as well be bad at dinner (or all weekend, or all week, or forever) because I've already blown "my diet."" 

 

I've learned that this is a symptom of being a perfectionist and it's not a good thing.  When I catch myself feeling guilty for eating something decadent, I try to remind myself that that's the perfectionism talking and that as long as I hit the gym regularly and don't make a habit of eating the decadent thing all  the time, I'll be fine.

I also read a really helpful article about trying to instill healthy eating habits in children that has actually really helped me. I am kicking myself for not bookmarking it because I can't seem to find it now and I would love to share.   But the most helpful trick that I took from the article was when a kid wants to eat something unhealthy (cake, cookies, etc.) instead of saying "You can't have that" you're supposed to say "We're having _______(insert food) at little Timmy's birthday party on Saturday and you can have it then."

It's immeasurably less miserable to go through life knowing "I am having pizza next weekend so I won't have any tonight" versus thinking "I can't have pizza." 

Small trick. But it really is helping.

This week has seen almost a pound lost already and we're a day early for the weigh-in. I have a gut feeling tomorrow will be in the 136's....too bad I don't have a scale.  

The best part, is that I am still seeing results during a week in which I:

 

•  Got to have pizza for lunch Saturday (just 1 slice with a salad, and I walked to the restaurant which was about a mile from my house).
• Got to have Fat Harry's buffalo chicken wrap (after burning 1000 calories at the gym that morning)
• Got to enjoy so many beers that I didn't even bother counting them at the Saints game (ditto on the 1000+ calories at the gym that morning).

All other days I was more rigorous about eating healthier food and did more modest workouts at the gym.

Tonight, I will indulge in my all time favorite truffle mac and cheese.  It's my favorite thing about coming to Lake Charles.  And it's going to be fine because I am going to work out for 2 hours at the hotel gym and I had a very small lunch to accommodate a bigger dinner.

At this point, I would say this isn't a lifestyle change.....it's a lifestyle changed.

Week 16 Progress Report

Well it's a little early, but because I am blogging from Lake Charles again and will be spending the night without my scale, I figured I'd do the weekly progress report today.

WEIGHT: 137.2
WEEKLY NET CHANGE: -0.8
TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: -24.6 LBS

I am so sad that this weigh-in isn't happening tomorrow because I have the strongest feeling that I am going to reach not only the 25 pound mark tomorrow, but--if I do reach it--I will officially be normal sized according to the US Government for the first time in years!  Yay!

'Tis the Most Blunderful Time of the Year

It's that time, guys. 

"The holidays" are upon us.

Ah, yes.  The holidays.  For most people, this is a joyous time of year filled with celebrating the love of family, the joy of friends, the bounty of life's blessings, the deliciousness that is the flavor of pumpkin, vanilla, and cinnamon, and the sanctity of whatever religious beliefs the person may hold.  Oh, and egg nog....there are apparently some nut jobs out there that enjoy egg nog.

For dieters, however, the holiday season is--for lack of a better term--the suck.

The holiday season begins with Halloween.  Once revered as a day to celebrate the passing of spirits from this world into the next, it's now a day that's dedicated purely to distributing simple carbs (read: candy) to children and adults alike in mass quantities.

For the faint-of-heart dieter, Halloween is the death knell of their self-control and weight loss progress. Not me though. Halloween is my bitch.   Candy has no hold on me.  I could live the rest of my life without eating another candy and still think my life is pretty swell.

So far, so good.  Right?  If I can resist candy on Halloween I surely must have a grasp on getting through the holidays without too much diet-damage, right?  Oh no.  We're just getting started. Halloween is a mere amuse bouche of what's yet to come during the holidays.

Next comes Thanksgiving.....a day where the sole purpose is celebrating by eating foods considerably more decadent, delicious, and tempting than Halloween's stale Smarties.  I mean, anyone who has ever had delicious homemade turkey gravy over a bowl of creamy mashed potatoes knows that Thanksgiving has the potential to be disastrous for a dieter.....particularly a dieter with a penchant for full-fats, salt, and starch.....

This gif is my spirit animal.

I am prepared for the fact that November 28, 2013 (which is Thanksgiving Day proper) will be a day of diet abandonment---which will be followed by Black (and Blue) Friday during which I will workout until my muscles are sore (and bruised if necessary) to burn everything off. 

I feel like that's a fair compromise in a lifestyle change:  1 day of turkey + drippings + butter + starch in exchange for a crazy-huge workout and the promise not to make a habit of it. 

But then come the work-related events.  The Thanksgiving potluck.....(which, while a diet catastrophe, is equally a professional catastrophe if I skipped it)....the office Christmas luncheon...The H's office Christmas party.....the office Dessert Kris Kringle...and other various work-related holiday events that always seem to center on food.    

It's enough to make you heave. 

And let's just say that I have the willpower to avoid the treats...that doesn't stop me from looking like a total and complete asshole and/or Grinch to everyone at work if I continually abstain from the festivities.   Seriously.  Just today at least 20 people looked at my like I was a huge jerk for not having any of the cake at the office "November Birthday Celebration." 

I'm beginning to feel like I am doomed.

So far, my plan is just to workout like crazy, cut back on the holiday items where I can, and hope for some sort of net loss with the worst case scenario being that I simply maintain the weight loss I've already achieved during this holiday season.

But I feel like I need to do better than that.  The brainstorming will commence! 

Perfection

So this morning I was getting ready for work, catching up on the news, and surfing the web when I came across an article on perfectionism published by Huffington Post.   The article, entitled "14 Signs Your Perfectionism Has Gotten Out of Control," seemed like an interesting enough read.....I mean, who doesn't like reading about people whose lives have gotten out of control? 

So I settled down to read it. 

What I did not expect, was to be reading an article that should have been entitled, "14 Signs Your Perfectionism Has Gotten Out of Control, Chunky Blogger."

People have called me a perfectionist before and I've never believed them.   And to be fair, some of the items on the list definitely do not apply to me....for instance:

Number 12. You take pleasure in someone else’s failure, even though it has nothing to do with you.
I mean, come on, what kind of sick son of a bitch actually takes pleasure in other people's fai....

....oh wait a second....let's rewind about 4 paragraphs:

"The article, entitled "14 Signs Your Perfectionism Has Gotten Out of Control," seemed like an interesting enough read.....I mean, who doesn't like reading about people whose lives have gotten out of control?" 

Heh.  Heh.  Heh.... Ahem.  Seriously though, many items did not apply.  Apparently some weird sub-species of perfectionists actually think if they look, act, and appear perfect that people will like them.....something about low self esteem and social "maladaption."   That didn't resonate with me.  But some stuff really did.

Some items on the list were so spot-on that I couldn't believe it. 

Like this one:

Number 7. There's no use crying over spilled milk....but you do it anyway.

"Whether it's burning the cookies or being five minutes late for a meeting, the perfection-seeking tend to obsess over every little mistake. This can add up to a whole lot of meltdowns, existential crises, and grown-up temper tantrums. When your main focus is on failure and you're driven by the desire to avoid it at all costs, even the smallest failure is evidence for a grand thesis of personal failure."

The well-balanced readers of this blog might be thinking, "What sort of self-respecting adult throws an actual temper tantrum?"    Well, as it turns out, perfectionists do.   One time, in my last semester of law school, I left an exam convinced that I had failed it. I was so distraught that I puked in the bushes outside the law school after the test and sobbed like a baby the rest of the day. I even researched whether the bar association would let me sit for the bar if I was taking a summer school course to make up for the inevitable "F" I had just earned.

I got an A minus.

And then there's this one:

Number 11. The image below makes you nervous.


Uh, duh!  OF COURSE that makes me nervous. Wouldn't that make anyone nervous!!?!?!!?  Who on earth would want to be average?! 

I mean, it would be one thing if just below "Poor" there was another box that said, like, "Really, Really Bad" and then at least "Average" would just be middle of the pack.....but it's in the bottom!

But perhaps the item that rings the most true for me (and the only one that really pertains to this blog) is this one:

Number 5.  You go big or go home

 "Many perfectionists struggle with black-and-white thinking -- you're a success one moment and a failure the next, based on your lastest accomplishment or failure -- and they do things in extremes...For perfectionists, life is an all or nothing game. When a perfectionist sets her mind to something, her powerful drive and ambition can lead her to stop at nothing to accomplish that goal."

This is literally so spot-on I can't even express it.   It definitely explains why I can completely kill this weight-loss thing when I've set my mind to it, but the slightest set back leaves me thinking, "Screw this! I've already messed up once....may as well just give up."

It is that exact mentality  that I need to overcome if I want this to be a lifelong lifestyle change and not just "that time I was really strict for 3 months and lost 20 pounds."

I think acknowledging it is the first step. 

Sigh.

I am a perfectionist.

And then the next step is to figure out some way around it.   And that's where I am stumped.

 

Week 15 Progress Report

And I still haven't found time for a pedicure which is making me feel like a huge failure.

WEIGHT:  138.4 LBS
WEEKLY NET CHANGE -0.6 LB
TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: 23.4 POUNDS

This is sort of a disappointment.

But I'm getting used to it; all of my "less than a pound" weigh-ins tend to feel really anticlimactic.   I just need to remind myself that any loss is a good thing.

Although I will say, this particular weigh-in doesn't sting too badly because I actually got to eat fettucini alfredo on Wednesday night (good alfredo, at that......not that crap-passing-for-alfredo they serve at most restaurants) and still see a net loss.

Still, I don't want to make a habit of small-loss weeks.....especially with the holidays right around the corner.  I am going to need to build up as much steam as I can to face the glutton-fests to come.  *gulp*

New Low....Next to Normal!

I don't really have a whole lot to say, but I had a good weigh-in this morning so it seems like a shame not to blog it.   

Yesterday was glorious.  The H and a bunch of pals and I decided to spend the day at the zoo ogling the animals and downing Jell-O shots (which, as it turns out, can be quite diet-friendly if made with sugar-free Jell-O).   However, such an outing can quickly derail a diet so I tried to plan ahead.  I crushed it at the gym yesterday morning and decided to pack wine instead of beer to cut back on calories where I could.

I was a good girl and opted for a reduced fat cheese stick and one of these for lunch (by the way, these snack packs are my new favorite thing in the entire world):

And though I am admittedly a little more dehydrated that I would be for a normal weigh-in, I was pretty stoked with this morning's number. 

Still desperately in need of a pedicure. I'll spare you the gory imagery.

I am now a mere 1.6 pounds away from being "normal" according to the United States government.  Score!!

Week 14 Progress Report



Forgive me.  This girl needs a pedicure.

WEIGHT: 139.0
WEEKLY NET CHANGE: -1.0 lb
TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: -22.8

FINALLY in the 130s for a weekly progress report!   I am kind of bummed to have only lost 1 pound this week because I really, really killed it at the gym, but considering that I was able to eat fettucini alfredo for the first time since starting the blog and still see a net loss, I am pretty stoked.

Now comes the part of the blog that gets a little bit sad:  thisweigh-in also marks a sad landmark in the Chunky Blogger series......this is the day last year that I gave up on the journey entirely and ended up gaining all 13 pounds lost back.   That was an epic fail.

Luckily, I feel stronger this time and more dedicated (thanks in large part to the Big Carrot) and I doubt that I'll let the goal slip out of my grasp this time around.