Friday, August 9, 2013

TREAT!!!!!!

So this morning I could not resist the urge to indulge in another weigh-in. And I am so glad I did.
 

Boom!
 
Now THAT'S more like it!   A perfectly-hydrated 154.2!  At long last!  Now it doesn't feel like last week was a total waste.
 


 
 
So what does this mean exactly?  Two huge issues come to mind:
 
1) I've now lost 6.4 pounds which means pursuant to the previously discussed Carrot And Stick Approach (which I've decided to call CASA for short), I get to buy myself a treat! Yay! More on that in a minute.
 
2) This is technically no longer week 2....so I guess this loss doesn't count towards the Week 2 Progress Report.  Does that mean that week 2 was still technically a bust?  Does this mean I can enjoy weekend indulgence again like I did last week?  I just can't decide.  I'm gonna go with yes I can and hope for the best.
 
 
Anyway, I gave a lot of thought to what my first treat will be.   And in honor of the first Saints pre-season game, I decided to get myself a little something to help my comply with the NFL's crappy new "bag policy."


For those that may not be aware, the NFL is banning most bags, including purses, from all stadiums this year. Tiny clutches are allowed.  And these ugly plastic see-through bags that I simply cannot rock.

 With no further ado.....my treat:
 

BONUS: Black and gold to represent the team colors.

DOUBLE BONUS: I can justify this by using it to walk from my house to downtown on home game Sundays for tailgating.  Exercise treat!!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Carrots and Sticks


So basically everyone is aware of the old adage of the carrot and the stick, but just in case anyone is unfamiliar, per Lord Wikipedia:

"The Carrot and Stick Approach is an idiom that refers to a policy of offering a combination of rewards and punishment to induce behavior. It is named in reference to a cart driver dangling a carrot in front of a mule and holding a stick behind it. The mule would move towards the carrot because it wants the reward of food, while also moving away from the stick behind it, since it does not want the punishment of pain, thus drawing the cart forward"


As far as this weight loss blog is concerned, I'm the mule. 

My Mom has already tried to entice me with a promise of a trip to NYC if I reach 126 "in as long as it takes."  That's the Big Carrot.

I've promised myself a present every time I lose 5 pounds.  That's some more carrots.

But to my delight, other readers have come forward offering carrots of their own.

For instance, I'm attending the wedding of one reader from Boston (Side bar: This blog's being read in Boston! Next stop, a stint on The View or Good Morning America!) on September 28.   Just today, the Bride contacted me and offered a carrot:  get to 145 by the wedding and I'll get a double quantity of chocolate covered treats in my hotel welcome baggy.  

Not too shabby! I love the offer, even though I know it's a pretty tall order....a little over 10 pounds in a little over 7 weeks?  I'm not sure it can be done--particularly if every week is as craptastic as Week 2 was--but I really like the idea of trying.   And I love the idea of reader-submitted carrots!

But carrots alone will not move pounds off the scale.

Like the mule, I'm too stubborn and too set in my ways to change my lifestyle just for treats. 

Enter the stick.

I don't really like to think of the sticks as "bad things" or "painful things" per se....really the sticks are still there to help me succeed.   Sticks are just little jabs or reminders to keep going...even when it sucks.

The "Big Stick" is this blog itself.....with failure comes shame. Public shame.  No one likes shame, so there's that.

And a classic stick would be something like telling myself to "Lose 2 pounds this week or you have to do the stupid Shred with Jillian Michaels."

But I've had other sticks come in some form or another from readers and other people in my life.

For example, I have a friend who I shall call Madame who scoffed at my likelihood of reaching the Big Carrot and said I'll blow right back up after reaching 126.    Stick.

And I've actually had readers privately messaging me suggesting that I change one thing or another about my diet or exercise routine (and I actually do try to implement the suggestions if they seem reasonable).   Sticks!

I love the idea of this blog becoming an interactive carrot/stick experience. With carrots and sticks I will succeed.

So I pose this request to you, my faithful readers.  Toss me a carrot (or a stick)!  All carrots and sticks will be considered even if they border on the absurd.   The only stipulation is that I am free to: 1) ignore them, 2) write about them, and 3) only vaguely change your name when I say whose carrot or stick it was.

Week 2 Progress Report

 
 
Well, here we are.....the moment of truth.  I promised myself I wouldn't stress about day-to-day fluctuations (yeah.....that totally didn't happen) as long as the net results each week were good.  So here goes nothing.....was all the freaking out about Half-Hannukahs and Damarans worth it?
 
 
Stepped on the scale.....
 
 
Took a deep breath......
 
THE WEEK 2 PROGRESS REPORT:
 

 
 
WEIGHT: 155.8
WEEKLY NET CHANGE: -0.4
 
 
Are you kidding me?!?!  Okay, okay....on the positive side, it's a net loss and not a gain.....and this means I can probably cease my mockery of the major world religions. But 0.4 measly pounds!? 
 
At this rate, global warming will have claimed NYC as the next Atlantis by the time I get to 126.   I will have to re-evaluate my strategies if I have any hope of catching the Book of Mormon before it ends its run on the Great White Way.
 
BMI: Probably exactly the same as last week.....why bother.
 
TOTAL WEIGHT CHANGE: -4.8 LBS
 

Alright, I am going to need to tweak my game plan.  I didn't deviate from the calorie limit a single time this week so that's clearly not the issue.  Perhaps I will see better results this week with these new strategies:

1) Exercise More.

2) Scale back my laissez-faire attitude towards Saturdays as a day where I can splurge  until progress improves.

3) Drink a crap ton of water and ingest more fiber.....not sure why I feel like that will help, but here goes nothing.

4) Presents!!  While The Big Carrot is certainly a powerful goal, I think smaller treats along the way might make it a little easier to stick with this.    From now on I get myself a present for every 5 pounds lost......maybe tomorrow will be my day. =)

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I've Got 156.2 Problems.......

What.

The.

FRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!?!??!!?!!?!!?!!?

156.2.

Again.

How? Wha? But...  Just.   Gah!!!!
What did I DO to deserve this?!??!?
 
How can this seriously be happening?!?!??  I have literally not cheated at all.  AT ALL.

At.
All.

I am a woman on a time clock!  Tomorrow is the stupid Week 2 Progress Report and I am going to be signing in to report NOTHING.

Hey! Body! What gives?!?!  It's WEDNESDAY.
 
Not gonna lie....nothing sucks a lot more than dieting, except maybe DIETING FOR SEEMINGLY NO FREAKIN' REASON.
 
Ya know what actually IS down?  Readership.  Cuz, hey, go figure: no one wants to read a weight loss blog written by a person who doesn't freakin' lose weight.
 
 
Stunning Correlation Between Success and Readership


I have a plan for today.  I am going to drink a ton of water and eat more fiber than anyone in the world ever has. And I am going to cross my dainty little fingers and hope that tomorrow shows some movement on the scale.  OR ELSE!

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Danaram

Day 6......still 156.2.

I believe at this point that I've gotten my cultural holidays mixed up. A Half Hannukah lasts 4 days and this situation has lasted decidedly longer than that.  This is not a Half Hannukah.

This......is Danaram.



"Dana-what?" you ask? 

Well, Danaram is the opposite of the Islamic month of Ramadan.  You see, during Ramadan, you're supposed to fast for a whole bunch of spiritual reasons.  The result is that, in theory, you probably actually lose weight.*  

Fasting......definitely not something this blogger will ever try.


During Danaram, however, you live a hedonistic lifestyle and as a result you see absolutely no weight loss whatsoever. You might even gain some!


Yup, Danaram is what this is, and Danaram officially is "the suck." (Except as much as it sucks, it's a really fun word to say....like as in, "Danaram, girl! Put down the pork chops already!!!")

The absolute worst part of Danaram is that I haven't even been that bad! I've stuck to my 1300 calories a day plan with the exception of the stupid wine-trickery on Saturday, and even I know that there's no way that 450 extra calories once is going to completely derail the plan. 



For now, I will continue to be steadfast in my ways and hopefully I will someday meet my reward. 



* Now that I've blasphemed at least two major world religions on this blog, I should probably take a moment to say that I mean no disrespect to anyone or to any belief systems.  I love all religions equally...unless of course someone starts a new religion called "The Church of the Holy 156.2".....I'm pretty sure I'd hate those assholes.  

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Well, That Backfired


Okay....so I thought I'd take a lesson from the past and end my Half-Hannukah by having a whole 'lotta wine.

I carefully monitored my calories during the day to ensure that even though I was going over my usual number (1300) I wouldn't gain weight if "every day was like today."  The final count was 1750.  I thought I was golden.....

Until the freakin' scale remained at 156.2 this morning......and then jumped up to 157 once I had some much-needed water.

So the lesson: cheating seldom pays....even if it did that time last September.

I'll get right back on track today and just hope that by the Week 2 Progress Report things have gotten back to normal.

But for now, the Half-Hannukuh continues.  Shalom.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Deja Vu All Over Again......Oy.

So on Thursday's Weekly Progress Report, I weighed in at 156.2; a 4.4 pound loss! I was totally excited to have such a strong first week's showing.  But I started to mentally prepare myself for the fact that such a pace is completely unsustainable and probably just "beginner's luck" or something.

So I wasn't too surprised when I remained at 156.2 on Friday....and then again this morning. 

And just as I began to get frustrated, I suddenly got this strange feeling that this has all happened once before. 

Side bar....if you don't know what this gif is referring to, go to You Tube and search for "David After  Dentist" IMMEDIATELY. You're welcome.


So I went back to the beginning of the blog and began re-reading entries from last September.  And, I'll be damned, this weight--156.2--was the exact same weight that wouldn't budge during last fall's Half Hannukah  (ya know, that time when the weight that was supposed to last for just 1 night lasted for four whole nights.....The Festival of Weights....)

The Progress trackers from My Fitness Pal don't lie....and they look almost completely identical. 

Today

September 2012
So the good news is that if history is just going to repeat itself, I will shake this Half Hannukah in the next day or so (most likely after a boozey night in which I become so dehydrated that the stubborn scale finally tips downward....And hey, today is Saturday....so maybe this is my night!) and still see a net loss for next week's progress report.

The bad news is that if history truly repeats itself, I will completely give up on this blog in about 6 weeks.  

At least this time I have the Big Carrot to look keep me motivated.   In just the last 24 hours the Big Carrot has single handedly helped me avoid a pizza bender and a late-night alfredo binge......the force is strong with the Big Carrot.

Lesson of the day: learn from the past (don't freak out about this momentary lag in weight-loss momentum) and change the future (don't give up like a big baby after losing 11 pounds).   Good plan.